"Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind." — Henry James
If someone had asked me the question,
“Are women kinder than men?”
I’m pretty sure I would have said, “Yes. Women do seem to be kinder than men.” But then, I got to thinking, well, I’m a woman and sure, probably I would think that women are kinder…but that’s just my incredibly intuitive opinion. 🤣
But what do the scientists say?
It turns out that a University of Zurich Study agrees. Yay! I love validation. I know I told you that in a previous newsletter, but it’s always fun to say it again.
Inside our brains 🧠 we have a little reward system, called the stratium. It doles out dopamine when we do something that makes us feel good. Neuroscientists found that men got more dopamine when they did things that were self-serving, while women got more dopamine when they did things that were kind.
After reading this, I felt a little euphoric…. but it was short lived. The lead author of the study, Alexander Soutschek, pointed out that, while there was definitely a biological difference between the reward system for men and women, some of these differences could also be caused by social and environmental factors.
He said,
“Empirical studies show that girls are rewarded with praise for 'prosocial' behavior, implying that their reward systems learn to expect a reward for helping behavior instead of selfish behavior.
“With this in mind, the gender differences that we observed in our studies could best be attributed to the different cultural expectations placed on men and women.”
In our society little girls are given dolls and taught to be nurturing, while little boys are taught to be super heroes, firemen and soldiers. Our socialization process may be the reason why men and women convey compassion and kindness differently.
Now before you get all worked up about stereotyping, let me just add that these are generalizations. I don’t want to cause a riot right here on Kindness Magnet. And the stereotypes seem to be changing.
What’s going on?
So, does our society just teach women to be more selfless and men to be more self-centered? Is that what’s going on?
Just when I thought I was honing in on the answer, I came across another study. This one shows that all humans (and animals) have a natural impulse to help those who are hurt or suffering. This kindness is gender neutral and something both men and women are born with.
But, even though men and women both have a natural desire to help those in need, because of our culture’s socialization process, men and women convey kindness differently. (I’m starting to feel my validation slipping away…)
Women convey kindness and compassion through nurturing and socialization. It’s what we think of as gentle compassion.
However, there is another side of compassion. It’s fierce and brave. It’s the kind of compassion you see when a fireman risks his life to save someone from a burning building. Or when a soldier risks his life to pull another soldier to safety.
Full Circle
So I’ve come full circle with the question: Are women kinder than men? Maybe. Maybe our culture fosters that. Or maybe all of this research is an invitation for us to be better at recognizing kindness and compassion. And maybe it’s an open door for each of us to be kinder and more compassionate. Man or woman.
Who do you think is kinder? Let me know in the comments below.
May your week be filled with kindness. 💜
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Are Women Kinder Than Men?