I Shouldn't Have Done That, A Dinosaur Is Chasing Me, and Other Positive Thoughts...

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1 Kindness Quote:

"Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action." ~ Steve Maraboli

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1 Gratitude Thought:

I am grateful for the opportunity to start each day 🌞 with positive thoughts about myself, my family, my friends, and my life. And if a negative thought creeps in, I am grateful to be able to try again.

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1 Kindness Habit Idea…backed by science 🧪:

You probably read today’s title and thought, “Those aren’t positive thoughts!” Well, who can blame me….I just found out that my brain is a negativity machine. 🧠 Not only that, it’s genetically programed to be that way. And…. not to leave you out….you’re programed that way, too. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. It’s not my fault. It’s what researchers have proven. (It’s so easy to be negative!)

It started back in our Fred and Wilma Flintstone days, maybe 200,000 - 300,000 years ago. Our ancestors had to fight off mastodons, sabre tooth tigers and other unsavory characters. They survived by being constantly aware of danger, developing an uncanny ability to sense negative situations. This ‘negativity bias became genetic. It’s one of the reasons our species has been able to survive.

So that’s the good news. Today, while we aren’t in danger from mastodons and saber toothed tigers, our brain still prioritizes negativity above everything else.

Image courtesy of Gerd Altmann, Pixabay

What Scientists Discovered

Scientists measured the activity around the cerebral cortex (that’s where our thoughts, emotions, reasoning, language, and memory live). They showed negative, positive, and neutral images to participants. Then they took MRI’s. The brain activity for negative images versus positive images was like comparing the Irish Jig to a slow waltz. And, to make matters worse, participants remembered the negative experiences a lot longer than the positive ones.

It turns out, this is a big deal. Our attitude and behavior can take a big nose dive because of our tendency to focus on the negative. We become the victim of bad news, bad experiences, and bad information. This negativity can impact our relationships, how we make decisions, and even what we think of people.

It can cause us to think the worst of people. Have you ever anticipated how your spouse or partner would react to something and you got your defenses up because you anticipated the worst? Guilty.

How about first impressions? Our negative bias tends to make us focus on the bad things we hear about someone instead of the good things. We judge everything from a person’s shoes to what they say. (Yes, according to research, a person’s shoes are the first thing we notice.) 👠

It was hard to find a negative looking bunny….thanks to Pixabay for your help!

And what about our optimism? Since we tend to go down the negative rabbit hole, it’s often really hard to stay positive. In fact, researchers discovered that it takes about 5 times the amount of positive feelings to overcome 1 negative one.

We’d probably all agree that the media is a good student of human behavior and genetics. It’s why we see negative news. We respond better to it. There’s a quote that’s sometimes attributed to the media….

”If it bleeds, it leads.”

Now I get what that means.

Stop the Negativity Machine

After reading all of this research on our negativity bias, I was beginning to wonder if we are just doomed to our genetic fate of insecurity, sadness, judgment, depression, and anger. But, thankfully, we are not! There is a way to put a wrench into this negativity machine and stop our brain from dwelling on bad things. 🔧

According to Kenneth Yeager, PhD, and director of the Stress, Trauma, and Resilience Program at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center,

“The single most important underlying factor is…how we talk to ourselves about our experiences. If you challenge yourself…to be mindful of your daily activities, noticing what’s important (and what isn’t), you are more likely to have positive life experiences.”

Have you ever done something and then thought to yourself,

“I shouldn’t have done that.” Or, “That was stupid.”

Well, if you’re like me and you’re ever guilty of that, a good kindness habit to develop is to stop yourself when you begin that negative self-talk and instead say,

“I can’t change what has happened, but I have learned X, Y, and Z that I can use to help me make better decisions next time.”

Or have you ever been having a really great day… and then someone says one little, teeny weeny negative thing to you and now you feel like Chicken Little and the sky is falling?

When that happens, start replaying all of the good things that happened in your day. Talk about them, one by one, relive them with joy, and stop talking about the one small negative one. And remember the math….it takes 5 positive feelings to overcome 1 negative one…

Another way to handle those negative thoughts is to reframe the way you talk about negative things and put them in a more positive light. Try removing the words ‘don’t’ and ‘can’t from your vocabulary and replacing them with ‘will’ and ‘can’.

Maybe you know someone who always seems to manage to put a positive spin on things. Listen to the way they talk about their day and the people around them. You can almost feel the positive energy. And you probably gravitate toward them. (Maybe they are a kindness magnet!)

And if you find yourself dwelling on and rehashing a negative experience, try diverting your attention to something positive. Maybe it’s taking a walk. Maybe it’s offering to do something kind for someone else. There are studies that prove that doing kind acts is a remedy for feeling down.

So now that you know that your brain can be a negativity machine (that little stinker…), try to spend more time savoring the good things that happen in your life. Talk about them. Think about how they made you feel. Share your positive experiences with someone else. Begin your day with gratitude and end your day with reflections on a day well lived. You’ll improve your health and happiness….and it’s all backed by science!

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1 Kind Act….

In August, 2020 the Wall Street Journal launched The 10-Point, a member guide to the Wall Street Journal. As part of the guide, they asked readers to share stories about acts of kindness. The stories were so well received that the feature became (and remains) a monthly item, on the last Friday of each month.

In the spirit of overcoming our negativity bias, I’d like to share this excerpt from the October 20, 2020 edition of The 10-Point. It was submitted by Bill Muse from Washington and is reprinted here with his permission. (Thank you, Bill.)

When I was 10, a friend’s dad let me fly his model plane, the kind attached by wires to a handle while the plane circles around you. I got about two laps before going into the ground, destroying the plane. He ran at me and I braced myself for the chewing out I was going to get, but instead he was all smiles, telling me what a great job I did for my first time, asking if I wanted to go again with another plane.

When I apologized for the damage, he waved it off and said part of the fun is fixing them. I’ve never forgotten how he had an opportunity to yell at a scared kid for a failure but chose to make it a fun success. That moment spawned dozens like it in my adult interactions with children.

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1 Kindness Question for you:

How can we help change the negativity bias in our world? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments.

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Visit Our Kindness Library

Want a little more kindness in your life? You can visit our library of articles by clicking here! Enjoy!

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Check out our new Gift and Book Program

Kindness Magnet launched in April, 2021 and has become tremendously popular. I guess we all need a little more kindness in this world! A great way to practice a little generosity is through our new Gift and Book Program. I hope you’ll check it out!

Be sure to check out the new gift items….cute kindness baby clothing, a new Kindness Matters tote, and new children’s kindness books….in addition to the current items. Remember, 100% goes to support those in need.

I’d love to know what you think and get your suggestions!

May your week be filled with kindness. 💜

PS: Join me next Monday as we explore musical kindness. See you in your Inbox! 📩

Kindness Snippet

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